Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds,
And Make Room for Men Who Matter.
Written by Jennie Young, PhD.
William Morrow, a Division of Harper Collins, NY.
Copyright 2026. $30.00 (hardcover).
Spoiler alert for men – this is not the feel-good book of the year. Eye-opening alert for women – this is the book that can embolden your self-image, save you a massive amount of time, and quite possibly save your life.
Jennie Young, PhD, teaches writing and feminist rhetoric at the University of Wisconsin Green Bay. I feel Webster’s second definition of rhetoric applies the best here: “the study of writing or speaking as a means of communication or persuasion.” Young is also a human being, that like most single human beings gets lonely from time to time, which led her to the online dating apps which subsequently led to her writing extensively about what is wrong with many of the men on these online dating apps. Unfortunately, a lot of us are not a credit to our gender. A movement and this book, arising from her research and lived experience, are catching on like wildfire across America.
The Burn the Haystack Facebook group has grown to 265,000 members, so make no doubt about it – this is a movement with legs. If they ever come out with a newsletter, might I suggest that the slogan under the masthead read “Chicks Above Dicks.” “Burn the haystack” alludes to the necessity of literally torching the overwhelming amount of straw to more effectively find the needles that may be hiding amongst it. Finding a good man is just as hard as finding a needle in a haystack, and I don’t disagree with the logic of speeding up the process to save yourself time, money, and heartbreak.
Young takes as a bedrock premise that women who subscribe to her theories and advice are actually seeking a meaningful relationship with a man, and not just a hookup. With that being the case, it is also the driving factor behind ruthlessly culling any man who seems disingenuous or not seriously seeking companionship. Hard lines are drawn; it isn’t up to the woman to give someone a fair shot, change them, or replace their mother. There is the assumption that the seeker and the sought are fully formed adults, and fully formed adults rarely change. The immortal words of Maya Angelou ring ever so true: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
The author has her reasons for suggesting this culling process:
Men simply aren’t in danger from women the way women are in danger from men (p.89).
These guys are revealing that the most important thing about them is that they’re angry at you and that they feel comfortable yelling at you before they’ve even met you. Imagine that in real life (p. 99).
There’s veracity in these words concerning male rage if you consider that every mass shooting in America has been conducted by a man with the exception of one, and she identified as a man. Let that sink in, and you will know why there is such a term as “toxic masculinity.” Later on in the book, Doctor Young gets to the heart of the matter from a woman’s perspective:
Here’s the truth about dating apps: They’re horrific. They’re commodified, exploitative, and ineffectual if you use them the way the app companies want you to. Dating apps are built upon misogyny, fake algorithms, and corporate greed. There’s exactly one good thing about them, and it’s inescapable. They’re still where the people are. This is changing as people, especially women, become increasingly disillusioned and leave the apps, but I’m not convinced that they’re going away anytime soon, because what they do offer is too indispensable to modern life: accessibility and convenience (p. 240).
The author uses two acronyms to back up her theories: CDA (critical discourse analysis) to discover the lies, half-truths, and condescending statements that men put out on the internet; and B2B (block to burn) which she advises any woman do when confronted with said lies, half-truths, and condescending statements. Life is short, so why put up with it? Young is a master at deciphering language to uncover hidden meanings, reverse-ordering the victim, gaslighting, and any number of manipulative statements that seem innocuous on the surface but have nefarious intent beneath. Any of that, or any passive-aggressive or aggressive references to any sex is taboo. B2B.
When you think about it, there’s not much difference between what a companion seeker on a dating app and a literary agent go through – too many submissions to consider and not enough time to do it. Under these conditions, both develop shortcuts, cheat codes, and a keen bullshit radar in order to separate the pretenders from the contenders. The culled or otherwise left behind whine and cry about fairness, about not being given a chance, and about how what they said was not what they meant to say. Then, why did they say it? Which brings us to the all-important bio on any dating app and how much it reveals or fails to reveal. Anyone who dismisses it as unimportant is an idiot. There’s never a second chance to make a good first impression. B2B. Young advises women not to reveal too much about themselves in their bios because it can and will be used against them, as any unscrupulous man will pretend to like what they like just to get in the woman’s good graces. Who would do such an underhanded thing? Apparently, it’s done all the time. It’s quite simple really: you use the wrong kind of bait, you catch the wrong kind of fish. Young advises taking a more analytical approach in assessing potential partners:
You have to be clear-eyed and honest about what you’re seeing, and then extrapolate that data to make predictions about other aspects of people’s personalities. If you do that accurately, then you get better matches (for you specifically) (p. 128).
Perusing any dating app for any serious person isn’t about being fair to everyone. It’s about accomplishing a goal while not simultaneously wasting time, money, and/or jeopardizing your personal safety. As someone who’s reasonably certain he would receive a lot of B2B’s I can say thank you for also not wasting my time. Life is short; a bad relationship can be for an eternity. Who wouldn’t want to be spared from that?
As someone who has been accused of misogynistic tendencies, this book did make me squirm a bit, and I guess that I deserved that. It is well-written, well-researched, and well past time for someone to explain to the man-o-verse what is wrong with the man-o-verse. If you are a man who sees this as monstrous, then also consider that in many ways this is a monster of our own making. I can take it and even say that I wish our daughters had had access to it, and I’ll be sure that our granddaughters do. Sometimes the truth hurts, but without the truth nothing changes for the better.
If this were Amazon, I’d give this book five stars, but since it isn’t, I’ll just say that any book that sparks a positive social movement is well worth reading.
